It's so great you have such in depth knowledge of adoption and are becoming a teacher. You'll have an ideal background for giving adopted kids the compassion they need.

Thanks! My experiences as a parent of adopted children is one of the main reasons I chose to go into education. Those are my kids in the above picture, by the way. Just to brag! ;)

Heather, as a fellow adoptive parent, your topic is very important to me! I love your ideas, especially about positive adoption language. What an awesome family photo, thank you for sharing your story. You will be a great advocate for all of us!

I am adopted myself (I am white and my parents are white.) I'm still surprised by the reactions I get when I "come out" as an adopted person. Some people respond really surprised ("But you're so normal!"), others assume I have some deep seated issues about it ("It must be so hard to know your mom abandoned you."), and others are just ignorant ("Oh, you don't have a mom and dad?"). It inevitably comes up with every class I teach and elementary kids are SO honest about what they think! I explain that I was adopted at two weeks and that my mom and dad are my adoptive mom and dad that I've known all my life.

Your research - especially the positive adoption language - is really key! Thanks for sharing!

I am interested on all of your thoughts. We have a very mixed family (on one side, with my dad and step mom). I have two step sisters who have been in my life for almost 20 years as well as two blood sisters. When I was 16, we brought in a foster child, who we adopted two years later. It is difficult for me to treat everyone exactly the same. I feel like we all have unique relationships, and I don't like to pretend that they are all the same. As a result, my sister (the one who was adopted), has often expressed feeling of being left out. It doesn't help that she lives several states away, which is further than anyone else in the family. Also, to make matters more complicated, she is a lesbian and most of my family (outside of my 2 blood sisters) have problems with. Anyway, how do I help her to feel better, without manufacturing feelings and pretending our relationship is something it is not?

The advice of letting parents of adopted children take the lead on sharing information is really helpful and important to keep in mind. The pity card is something you touch on and Matthew also discussed. Adoption shouldn't be connected with loss and sadness, and teachers, of all people, who are modeling for students need to be careful of how they interact with students who are adopted.

Heather, I have two cousins who are adopted. Just recently my cousin Meg met her birth mother and learned about her biological father. I agree with you that lessons can not be planned to the traditional mom-dad families because of the vast diversity in relationships. It is great that you work with the teacher and it must feel very comforting if the teacher is willing to work with you and your children when it comes to adoption. Children have enough pressures - adoption I would believe would add to the pressure.

I really like your statements about continuing to educate ourselves as teachers about adoption and the latest research. It is important for us as educators to be sensitive to their privacy and their timing about sharing information about their families and their backgrounds. You are an amzing role model for all parents and educators. Do you work with others looking to adopt and share their lives?

It is important as teachers to stay up to date and continue to learn strategies in the classroom to help students learn in a positive, non-judgemental atmosphere. I bought my wedding dress yesturday and the funds will go to a family who are trying to adopt a child soon. I did not realize the cost associated with adoption.

Heather, this is a subject that also is close to me, as well. I was born in St. Paul but adopted through Children's Home Society of Minnesota, by a married couple from the Iron Range in their 40's, in 1969. Being transplanted into a region rich with traditionalism and ethnic pride (Scandinanvian), and being a person without any Scandinavian traits, I was reminded of that a lot in the area, because, for some reason, traditional culture was important there. It mattered if you were different in any way. This was a Lutheran-Scandinavian region, with a lot of closed doors. As one who was adopted, I always felt out of place, here.

Sheena, the best thing you can do is listen to your sister. Just having someone who will listen is great. You could also do little things to include her. Call her a bit more, send pictures of your family, etc. You don't have to fake it to improve your relationship. Show her you accept her for who she is.

kari, I have helped friends who have expressed an interest in adoption by answering their questions and pointing them in the right direction. I have a friend in Alaska who wanted to foster-adopt, but was scared. She and her husband had a miscarriage and wanted to start a family. They sat down with me and my ex and we had a very real conversation about foster-adoption, the joys and challenges of adopting in thsi way. They fostered a baby boy whom they were allowed to adopt a year later. Four months after they brought their boy home, she found out she was pregnant and had a baby girl. They fostered another baby boy, whom they adopted, and just had a second biological baby boy. I love being able to help answer questions about adoption and be a support for people considering it. I wish more people would foster-adopt, and wish i could too, because there are so many children in the US free for adoption - meaning their biological parents' rights have been terminated. They are waiting for people to adopt them.

John, identity issues are huge with adoption. Children can feel out of place. I think it is so important for parents to not take offense to their children wanting to look for their biological parents, and it is important for these children to feel included. My kids are African-American and we celebrate Kwanzaa every year and Black History Month. I try to show them role positive role models who are African-American. They were incredibly proud when Obama was elected president, it was a huge historical milestone for them. My sons are very much into hockey, and we often look up African-American hockey players and follow their accomplishments. I have included my children in Icelandic culture, as I am Icelandic, and I tell them it is their culture too. I also have a picture of their biological mother on our "family wall" and a file on each of their biological parents for when they ask about them. I will fully support their search for their biological parents if they choose it.

Thanks for posting the information on what teachers can do to support students who are adopted. I think that will really come in handy as we are seeing this more and more. I have two students at my daycare who were adopted.. a boy and girl both from Russia but from different families. Its interesting to watch the boy and girl interact like they have grown up together and are blood related. So cool

I have to ask even though it is off topic. Is that picture taken on the break wall in front of the Grand Marais Harbor lighthouse? I grew up near Grand Marais, attended k-12 there and that is where I am hoping to teach! By the way great topic.

Heather, what do you think of the adoption process in general? My wife and I attempted adoption back in the early 90s but it was so expensive we had to give up. We were very lucky when she got pregnant, but had she not, we would have somehow found a way to adopt. We just felt like we were being sucked dry for no reason. I hope it's changed since then.

When I am talking to a class about getting permission from their parents for something, I usually refer to their 'families,' instead of parents because I have a few students who are being raised by their grandparents or aunts or uncles. Is this correct? I have always wondered. 'Guardian' sounds too sterile to me, but I really don't want to offend or hurt anyone. What term would you use when addressing a group of students in this way? (Great research, btw!)

My wife and I have always had great respect for people who adopt. It is a great act of unselfishness. At our church we have a couple that have 6 biological kids and 6 black adopted kids. My 2 kids had the priviledge of going to Sunday with them. I remember my son at a young age not even realizing that they were different. Do you get strange looks when in public from others when they see your family?

Carrie, no that picture is up at the Two Harbors Lighthouse. We went up to walk along the north Shore and see the fall colors.
Tom, Our adoption was free. I think we paid less than $1,000.00 up front, but we were reimbursed for those expenses at the finalization of the adoption. The children get Medicaid free until they each turn 18 and they get a monthly adoption subsidy until they are 18. The subsidy for the three of them is around $2500.00 a month. Adoption can be done inexpensively; it depends on what type of adoption you want to do. It can be a long process or a short one. Ours took nearly two years to finalize, but I have friends who adopted in six months.
Sarah, I think using the word family is perfectly fine, or caregivers would be fine too. Eugene, sometimes we get strange looks, but most of the time, people are just curious, not malicious. It still seems strange, I think, for people to see a multiracial family. Most people though just come up and say something kind.

To what do you contribute the higher rates of ADD, AD/HD, and learning disabilities? I work at a school for students with EBD and we have a lot of adopted/foster children. I am always curious about these kinds of correlations.

I was very interested in the adoption-sensitive language, thank you for posting that link! I think this language also applies to our kids who are being raised by family members, in foster care, etc, which are so many of our students.

Hi Caitlyn, Thanks for sharing your story. I am curious if you have ever met your biological mother or father? I ask this because I have two cousins who are adopted and one of them has made contact with her bio-mom. My aunt and cousin went and had a very pleasant meeting with Meg's bio-mom. I also have a cousin -in-law if that makes any sense, that just met his bio-mother as well, he also had a wonderful experience. Thanks.

Adopted kids are one thing, but I think you are right, another element is brought to the table if the parent(s) and the kids are not of the same ethnicity or color. I don't think other kids would really notice if someone was adopted, at least in the younger grades, if they were the same color and/or ethnicity as their parents. However, a good friend of mine in high school (white) had a brother who was very much brown. Both parents were very white. For years kids would talk about how the brother MUST be adopted. But to this day, and I was very very close to this family, they deny that he was adopted. I don't get it. Is that biologically possible? I mean, you can say he is and always has been part of their family, they have always been his parents, she, always his sister, etc. But why would someone who seems to clearly have adopted their child seem so unwilling to admit it? Is thee shame in it? OR, maybe he was truly NOT adopted? I have come to believe that he was not, even though I don't understand it at all. Oddly enough, his dad was our school counselor, so everyone know how much he did not look like him. As a teacher, how would you handle the situation if you heard kids talking about it?

I also wonder how many kids who have been adopted (particularly at a very young age, or birth) KNOW that they are adopted? How does a parent decide when to tell them? I can't imagine what it would be like, and I would guess it is different based on the personality of every child and/or parent.

Caity never got the e-mail to log in, she told me to tell you all that she is very sorry she couldn't respond. I asked her your question, Jon, and she gave me this reply: I know my parents. My mom and dad both live nearby and I see my mom about once every few months. my dad comes to visit. It's his parents that adopted me and my brother and sister. My sister doesn't live with us.

Jeanne, every family is different in how much information they share with their children and with other people. it used to be such a stigma to be adopted and there was some shame in it, I think. now, as it has become more common, I think people are more comfortable sharing adoption info. As a teacher, I would explain that families are made up in many different ways and that it is not anyone's place to judge how someone's family is made up. i would also do a lesson plan on family differences and a lesson on gossiping.

In regards to what children know, I can only speak for our family. We told our children from day one. We chose to celebrate it. It would be pretty hard to hide as they are very brown and we are very white. LOL. We celebrate "kinfolk day" which is our version of a "gotcha day." The kids picked out the name. It is the day we finalized our adoption, March 4th, and the kids get presents every year and get to pick out what special activity we do on that day. It is like a second birthday for the kids.

I often wonder about modifying lesson for children who are adopted. Your tips are great, as sometimes I assume that everyone lives with their biological parents. However, that's what this class was about and your information was another awesome insight to a marginalized population that isn't always on a radar.

PEER REVIEW for Heather Bullock!!

Heather – you have great references. I can tell you put a lot of effort into researching. You also have two hard copy resources. 25/25 points.

Adoption is such a hard topic because typically, like yourself, you LOVE and TREAT your kids the same as if they were biologically yours. As a teacher I imagine that you might forget that someone is adopted when doing say a history project on family heritage. That could be tough for someone who is adopted. A teacher must consider other ways of approaching this for an adopted child. You have great tips for teachers! 25/25 points.

Your wiki page looks great, as well as your summary and references. You answered several questions of our peers and your authentic experience with adoption helped a lot! Thanks for sharing. However, you didn’t comment on EVERYone’s pages but a lot of them you did. 22/25 points

You have a nice little introductory to Caitlyn (AV), but unfortunately she wasn’t able to comment on questions due to technical difficulties. YOU did a great job filling in for her, which was helpful! 20/25 points