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To Be a Single Parent
Imagine your life, you are running your 2 kids to school and daycare and still trying to get to work on time. No big deal right? Also at home you have 2 acres to mow 6 loads of laundry and oh yeah, dinner to make. Then it's clean up the dishes, baths to take and finally a chance to put your feet up just in time to watch the news. It's 10:00 PM and you're beat. Now imagine doing this everyday day after day by yourself.
My voices name is Leigh. She is 42 years old and a single mother of 2 girls, 13 and 2. She has been on her own since her first daughter was born, when she was 28.
She got pregnant the first time while taking an antibiotic, that her doctor failed to inform her that would override the birth control she was taking. She told her family at Christmas and it wasn't well received. The first father never has paid child support because she didn't want him to have any rights to their daughter. Eleven years later and a different man, everything was great and they decided to have a baby. The second daughter was born 2 months early at 3 and half pounds. She spent 2 months in the NICU at St. Cloud. The tension was high and the hospital costs were also. The second guy got freaked out and left her alone to cope with this challenge. He does pay child support and her parents also help out so she can pay daycare. If this isn't enough she is in the process of closing her business and selling her house. The business is failing and she can't keep up with all the yard work and everything that goes with owning a hobby farm. She will be looking for a new career/job and is looking for a house in the small town where she lives.
She is very down right now and at times to me appears depressed. She is a strong person, but the wear and tear of being alone to do all this has taken its toll. Her life you could say right now is "up in the air".
What are some of the statistics out there? They are mind boggling to me.......
13.7 million parents are raising kids by themselves.
21.8 million children are being raised, with 26% under the age of 21.
84% are women, 34% have never been married, they average 39 years old and 80% work full-time.
58% are divorced men
21% of men have not married.
90% of those men have full-time employment.
27% live in poverty.
25% receive food stamps and medical assistance.
These statistics are alarming but at the same time surprising. The very fact that only 25% accept government is surprising. The fact is these single parents want to be self-supporting and that is very admirable to me. My voice, Leigh, could get all these but chooses to do it own her own with only one dad giving child support.
When we think about single parenting, most think it's because of divorce, broken-homes the fact is that many parents are choosing this life style because of "simple choice". They simply want to raise the child/children alone.
As of recent in the last 10 years, the single father parent way has risen by 60%, that's right 60%!
Some and many question how can this raise a good child? The fact is that many famous people have been raised by single parents.
Lets talk about Presidents.......
George Washington was raised by his mom after his dad died at age 11.
Thomas Jefferson was raised by his mom after his dad dies at age 14.
Two presidents never even met their dads as they died before they were born.....
Andrew Jackson his dad died in a logging accident.
Bill Clinton his dad died in a car accident about 3 months before he was born.
The most interesting is our current President Barack Obama, his parents divorced when he was 2 years old, and he only saw his dad once at Christmas in 1971 after the divorce.
After all this information, I wonder how in a "broken" family can so much success be achieved?
In surveyed single parent families, Parent control was the number one response. Having rules and strict discipline was how single parents kept their kids out of trouble. Those surveyed achieved this by monitoring their kids activities and spending quality time with them. They also were involved in the community and this gave the kids a sense of purpose and pride in the area they lived. The other main objectives were focusing on education and last but not least strong values implemented at early ages. The kids needed to be part of their community in every way to instill accountability. These were the main areas that made a successful family from an unsuccessful family.
It sounds so simple to us that have two parents in the house hold, but remember that these parents are doing it alone. Think how lucky you are next time both your kids run in different directions and there are two of you to go in each different directions. A single parent doesn't get that luxury.
Resources:
www.singleparents.about.com
www.singleparentmagazine.net
www.elm4you.org
Paul Taylor, Star Tribune: Minneapolis, Minnesota: January 27, 1991. pg. 04.A
Jean Hopfensperger, staff writer. Star Tribune: "Study Finds Hope for Kids with One Parent"; Minneapolis, Minnesota: July 9, 1993. pg. 01.A
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Comments (26)
Eugene Floersch III said
at 9:20 am on Jul 15, 2011
I finally figured out the "poltergeists" in my WIKI!!!!! I guess I'm a slow learner, but I have persaverance!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eugene Floersch III said
at 6:41 pm on Jul 21, 2011
Had to start over again today. I will win!!!!!!
kristina.noel@... said
at 6:22 pm on Jul 22, 2011
Dont forget to add research to your topic about single parents..I think this seems more of a introduction to your authentic voice but its suppose to be more on the research of your topic. Just thought I would help you out a little : )
Eugene Floersch III said
at 10:23 am on Jul 24, 2011
Thanks for caring. I was having a real problem loading information. Had to start over twice. :))
Jon Nelson said
at 9:13 pm on Jul 22, 2011
Jon Nelson said
at 9:15 pm on Jul 22, 2011
Eugene being a single parent working - working - working has to be so hard. As a parent I could not even imagine not having a partner to share the load. I look forward to hearing from you AV. She is obviously a strong woman!
carrie.jansen@live.bemidjistate.edu said
at 11:17 pm on Jul 22, 2011
My mother in law was a successful single mother to 3 kids. 2 different horrible dead beat fathers. Her first husband a substance abuser (first 2 kids) and later an abusive (to both the children and the mother) boyfriend. Single parenting was definitely the best choice she could make and she succeeded. My husband often refers to her as a saint. She did have the help of her supportive parents, my husband considers his grandfather to be his dad and is only sort of buddies with his biological dad. I don't know how my mother in law made it through. Sounds like there were some real trying times. I think parenting is hard and my husband is very helpful and supportive.
tomgilgenbach@gmail.com said
at 9:09 am on Jul 23, 2011
Nice job EF3! I find it so sad fathers can walk away from a baby so easily. What kind of difficulties does a kid from a single parent family face in school?
Melissa said
at 10:43 am on Jul 23, 2011
Eugene, great topic, as we will encounter many students who are being raised by a single parent. Could you define "single parent" as it relates to your research. I am wondering if that means any parent who is not married? I am also curious if your statistics take into account the people who choose to raise children alone?
Sarah W-Prill said
at 11:41 am on Jul 23, 2011
I was raised in a single parent family after my father passed away when I was 13 and as the eldest child I was told by many people that I had to 'help my mom,' and 'take care of my siblings.' My Mom never told me that, but several relatives would remind me all the time for the first few years. I think it had a big part in making me very independent and resilient, but I also feel like I lost part of my childhood because of it. As a teacher, how can you help kids like me who carry heavy burdens because of the loss of a parent?
karie.hickman@... said
at 11:59 am on Jul 23, 2011
Nice job! I can only imagine to try to do everything on your own. It is so important to be there for our students and all families so they can get the support they need. We need to be understanding of their lives and if they might need extra time to get things done. How would you help students of single parent families in your classroom succeed when they need extra time or help?
Eugene Floersch III said
at 10:30 am on Jul 24, 2011
Even for example at conferences to just to open to a different day or time, even if it's not a good time for me is important. We need to be able to understand and make it work at all costs.
Eugene Floersch III said
at 1:24 pm on Jul 23, 2011
Melissa this research takes all single parents into account. By choice or not. Surprisingly many are choosing this way of life.
Melissa said
at 5:02 pm on Jul 23, 2011
I asked the question because I have read some controversy over this subject, due to the inclusion of "all single parents" in the statistics. I have some gay friends who have adopted children, and they would be considered "single parents"(because they can't marry). I also have a sister-in-law who is a widow and she would be considered a single parent too (though not by choice). I am not surprised that people are choosing to be single parents, if they are stable and can support a child financially and emotionally I think it is a great thing. We have many children in this country who do not have any parents raising them, one is better than none :)
Liza Wishard said
at 3:33 pm on Jul 23, 2011
The challenges of a single parent are insightful and really resonate with me right now. Although I am married, my husband works out of town every week, leaving me to mow the lawn, maintain our house, do all of the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and raise our two toddlers. To say that I'm exhausted is an understatement. But, I do have my husband's moral support and I sympathize with his weariness from all of the travel. I'm physically, but not emotionally, alone. Do you have any insights into how single parents meet the logistical demands of school and extracurriculars while also working? How could we as teachers help?
Eugene Floersch III said
at 10:33 am on Jul 24, 2011
Lisa, when i was in 5th and 6th grade i was on a relay team that was going to compete against every other team in the city. My parents both worked and I needed a ride home everyday after practice, so my coach (a man) gave me a ride to my door step so I could be on the team. I think this was a great example. We need to be able and willing to give all the time. It's not easy.
P.S.- we took first place, man our coach was proud!!!!!
corissa.hanna@... said
at 8:34 pm on Jul 23, 2011
There is still a lot of stigma attached to single parenting today. Do you believe, based on trends in society, single-parenting will be more acceptable?
Eugene Floersch III said
at 10:22 am on Jul 24, 2011
I think Corissa that it may be, for some, the future. I say that because of divorce rates and the messy divorces many will choose to do it alone. With so many women going to college that can be a reality, because they have their own income.
heather Bullock said
at 9:32 pm on Jul 23, 2011
Eugene, this is great research. Being a relatively new single parent, i can relate to feelings of being overwhelmed and stressed out. Did you find anything on how teachers can support students from single parent families?
Eugene Floersch III said
at 10:20 am on Jul 24, 2011
Heather I didn't go that route. I was mostly looking for the stats for an informative paper. If you look at my resources you can find some links.
benjamin.hauser@... said
at 10:08 am on Jul 24, 2011
Since having our baby my wife and I have NO free time. I cannot imagine one person being responsible for taking care of children, the house, and earning a living at the same time.
emily.lashornewalz@... said
at 10:34 am on Jul 24, 2011
The first 2 years that I taught, I didn't have even one child in my class who lived with their father. I have worked in exclusively high-poverty schools and I would say that the majority of my students are being raised in single-parent households. Is there documented correlation between SES and single parenting?
jason.walz@... said
at 10:44 am on Jul 24, 2011
I had quite the opposite experience of Sarah. My parents divorced when I was 9 and my Mom spent much of her time over worrying about my brother and I. She was an AMAZING Mother, but it took some growing up before I realized I wasn't the most important and special person on the planet. Do you think it is a common struggle for single parents when it comes to balancing raising children to be independent while making sure they know they have all the support and love they need in a family?
Jeanne Sause said
at 11:44 pm on Jul 24, 2011
Hmm. This topic brings me back to my student teaching experience, which was in the poorest school district in the state of Ohio. Not a single child in the classroom had two parents. Many of them had 4 or 5 moms or dads. For the most part, the child was home alone. As a teacher, you could tell, because in the winter they might come in with summer clothes on, and in September be wearing snow pants. They were very undernourished. The parents were in and out of jail, and constantly on drugs. Of course not every parent was into all of this, but in this particular class, this is how it was. Every single day a child came in with lice, or scabies. I couldn't believe it. But what I saw in those kids was amazing. Every one of them LOVED school. To them it was a safe-haven. Even though they were only 1st graders, they knew they wanted a better life than their parents had, and they knew that school was a big part of achieving that. They worked so diligently, despite so many hardships. Some of them would cry every day before going "home". This is a pretty extreme single-parenting scenario, and definitely not the norm. But I mention it because I wonder if there are any studies out on the academic motivation of students with just one care-taker, vs. those with more? Students with single parents, do you think they "admire" (for lack of better word) their teachers more to fill that "hole" of the single-parent's ability to provide monetarily (work so hard) and to be there for them when they need/want them?
Sheena Cook-Fuglsang said
at 5:45 pm on Jul 25, 2011
My mom was a single parent. My dad was there, although did not live in the same city. Do you find that some teachers and/or administrators could do a better job accommodating the working single mother? Sometimes I wonder if I would have been able to participate more in school extracurricular events if there was more provision given (without added cost).
Kristina Olson said
at 7:55 pm on Jul 28, 2011
I have utmost respect for single parents. I cannot imagine having to do it alone!! My husband is my savior when it comes to getting things done. Your research is great, it doesn't look like you had to start over! Thanks for all the great information!
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