Would you survive if you suddenly lost everything?
Imagine being loaded in the back of a police car with your four siblings, to be driven to a stranger’s house in the darkness of night. The two strangers that meet you at the door, welcome you into the warmth of their home with a smile. Once the door closes, reality sinks in.... You are going to sleep in a strange bed tonight, in someone else’s pajamas. When you wake up in the morning you will be reminded that the strangers are still there and everything that you have always known as normal is gone. How will you get to school? The bus driver doesn’t know you moved. What will you eat? Does the strange lady know that you don’t like mayo on your sandwich? Will you have to take a bath? Because the strange lady won’t know that you have been afraid of baths since you almost drown in a lake last summer. What will you tell your friends about your sudden move from your parents' house? What will they say when they find out you are in foster care? How long do you think you can stay here? You hope these strangers don’t expect you to call them Mom and Dad, like the last ones did, because you already have parents!
Over half a million children are in foster care right now. The average age of a foster child is 9 years old. The average length of stay in foster care is almost three years, and the child usually moves at least three times during placement. Only one third of children in foster care will complete high school.(United States Department, 2009) Multiple disruptions and spotty school attendance can have negative consequences on a child’s academic achievement. In addition to academic failure, many foster children may exhibit behavior problems in school. Some of which may include:
Lying
Cheating
Disrupting class
Engaging in socially unacceptable behavior
Although these behaviors may be exhibited by children who are not in foster care, the reasons behind them are different. Foster children are used to receiving negative attention, and a chaotic, disruptive home environment, that may or may not be riddled with abuse and neglect. The patterns they have established in their home life may spill over into the classroom. (Noble, 1997)
Strategies for teachers to help foster children change their behavior patterns and achieve educational success:
Develop a trusting relationship. Small meaningful gestures go a long way when building trust. Building trusting relationships is key for positive self esteem.
Remember this may take time because most adults in their life have been unreliable.
Advocate for them. Don’t assume that referrals are a waste of time because a student will only be in your class temporarily.
Remember if every teacher assumes they are temporary, they will never receive the services necessary for academic success.
Encourage positive socialization. Foster children may have a hard time making friends because they fear letting their guard down and becoming too close to people. Teaching appropriate problem solving skills can help foster children learn to communicate effectively with peers.
Remember they have been hurt by the one’s they love.
Communicate with the foster family. They may not be able to share all of the confidential information with you, but they can give great insight for why a child may feel or act a certain way. They are the support system outside of school.
Remember they are the ones who live with the child.
Choose curriculum that includes them rather than excludes. Foster children don’t always know their history, and even if they did they might not want to share it. They often do not have photos, stories, or memorabilia to share with the class.
Remember many foster children have moved several times.
Be Creative! Give your foster children activities that build self esteem, and encourage leadership roles. Positive praise is powerful! Negativity breeds negativity.
Remember many foster children have not had positive reinforcement for any of their actions.
Embrace their uniqueness. Foster children have gone through many challenges in their short life. They are often used to a disruptive, chaotic life full of disappointment. Don’t contribute to it, but be aware that they may feel extremely uncomfortable in structured environment. With time it will get better.
Remember their history makes them very unique.
Be a role model. Adults who have overcome childhood abuse and neglect to become successful adults have one thing in common: At least one significant adult in their lives. Many times that adult is a teacher.
Remember it could be you!
Other information you may find useful when relating to your student who is a foster child:
Choice, P. et al. (2001). Education for foster children: removing barriers to academic success. Center for Social Services Research. School of Social Welfare, Berkeley, Berkeley, CA Retrievedfrom http://cssr.berkeley.edu/pdfs/educf27.pdf
Letters from foster children. (2003, November).Fostering Perspectives, 8(1), Retrieved from www.fosteringperspectives.org/fp_vol8no1/letters.htm
Noble, L.S. (1997, April). The face of foster care.Educational Leadership, 54(7), Retrieved from www.ascd.org/publications/educational-leadership/apr97/vol54/num07/The-Face-of-Foster- Care.aspx
Pelzer, D. (1997). The lost boy. A Foster Child's Search for the Love of a Family. Deer Beach : Health Communications.
Pelzer, D. (1993). A Child Called It. One Child's Courage to Survive. Deer Beach: Health Communications
United States DHS, Administration for Children and Families. (2009). Adoption and foster care analysis and reporting system (afcars) Washington, DC:
Williams-Mbengu, Nina. United States DHS, Child Welfare Monitoring. (2008). Moving children out of foster care ( GS-10F-0285). Washington, DC: National Conference of State Legislature. Retrieved from http://www.ncsl.org/documents/cyf/movingchildrenoutofcare.pdf
I would like to introduce you to my guest, Aubrie. She is a 16 year old girl currently in foster care placement. She comes from a two parent home, and has four younger siblings. Her story is not unlike the introduction above. She has spent more than one night in the home of a stranger. She has faced many challenges in her short life, all while trying to attend school in a small town. She is an intelligent, fun loving person, who has a bright future ahead of her.
As an educator what type of support do you think she will need to be successful?
i want to go to collage to take chinese and classes to be a missionary in china, but only for like ten years. after that i want to do something in art or be a stay at home mom
Aubrie, I went to college for language (Spanish). Enjoyed some travel but sadly never worked out of the country. Now I am a stay at home mom and trying to become a Spanish Teacher. I love it, but sometimes wish I would have realized I wanted to have a career in my hometown in the beginning so I could have gotten my original degree in something I could use in my hometown (not many Spanish speakers in northern MN, nor much need for it). Just sharing my thoughts as thats the path I chose. You sound like a bright girl who can achieve whatever you want as long as you don't lose your motivation.
i really donnt know i think its caue im not what they thought i was but after that i tryed to be what they whated me to be .... and that made thing way worse cause now i cannt be my self withh out them saying imm fake .
This is the greatest cliche in the world, and you can send me an E-smack upside the head, but never be afraid to be who you really are. It took me until my early 20s before I could actually live by that idea. See if you can get there before me ;)
Have you ever asked them? I wonder if maybe your perception of what they think of you is not entirely accurate? I have found that to be the case many a time in my life. The only way to really know is to ask. What's there to lose, really?
Matt's post is cliche, but so true. I have always been the most happy when I just focus on being me and loving the good things about me- and letting go of the bad AND of what others think of me (even thought that is REALLY hard).
What makes them a "bad" group of friends? Are they not friendly towards you...and maybe not actual friends then? Or are they not good influences? And my other question is, if you know this about them, why do you still choose to hang out with them?
What Amara is trying to say is that the kids who are considered "good" do not accept her because of all of her hardships. She feels like they judge her and they view her situation as "bad". Her friends who accept her all have a similar home life, so they do not care that she is in foster care.
umm , well i have to go to theripy cause im depersed cause of things that happend in the passed so i juss talk to her bout it .... but it would be nice if i had more people i cann trust !
Holy cow, the statistics are hard to handle. Only 1/3 will complete high school? Geez! That's intense. My question is, with the new advent of online schooling and the ability to graduate from online high schools, do you think this number will increase? I have known several people who have been placed in foster care and are trying to complete school online via MN Connections Academy, but it seems that the instability factor in their life crosses into their ability to remain focused on school for too long too.
I would caution any teenager when considering online schooling. As we know from our own experience, it takes self motivation and determination to be successful. If students are not motivated to attend public school, and complete assignments on their own, they are never going to be successful at online schooling. (my experience with over half of my SpEd students attempting online school at some point) Aubrie attempted online school and was not successful because she still lacked the support she needed from home. The other problem is in Minnesota you cannot be enrolled even part time in a public school if you are attending online school, and vice versa. So there is no way for a student to "catch up" by attending school both online and public. They sound like a great idea, but the students in my school mainly attempt online school to receive a "free" laptop, once they get it they spend a couple of months out of the school and then usually come back even further behind than when they left - but excited about their laptop!
Oh sad! Do they still get to keep the laptop if they do not graduate? The school I taught in gave laptops to the 6-8th graders, but if you did not stay through 8th grade and graduate, you were not allowed to keep it. I didn't realize that was part of the online deal. At the same time though, I do have a good friend who teaches at a virtual school in Ohio and she just loves it! I have not asked her what kinds of backgrounds her students come from, but now I wonder. She teaches middle school math. Hmm...I think I'll need to give her a call!
Well, it is a program that is paid for by the federal government - not the school. They tell the students they have to give the laptop back, but no one ever does, and nothing is ever done about it. (my experience)
Aubrie, Who helps you to make sure you will finish school and with what you want to do after school? Do counselors at school give you information or help to keep moving along?
i never really had much help from school counselors, but now my social workers and Melissa (being a sub knowing all my teachers) helps me make sure i do my work.
i know its probably really hard to keep track of every student, but i think it would have help if a teacher would have reached out to me to help when they saw i was having problems
Sorry Jummy, I accidentally hit delete instead of reply.
Thanks Jummy! The statistics were what surprised me the most. I felt sickened by the reality that only 30% of foster children will graduate high school.
I am familiar with what I see, however my foster children are protected by ICWA ( http://www.nicwa.org/Indian_Child_Welfare_Act/) and their cases tend to drag on without an end in sight. Termination of Parental Rights is never really an option for Native American children, and they have to live in Native American homes.
Revisiting all of this information gives me the ability to be even MORE patient with the children in my home. Sometimes I can get caught up in the motions of parenting, and forget these children are survivors of situations that most people will never encounter in their lifetime. It's always good for me to have a little slap of reality every now and then. Writing the intro got to me because I know that all of my foster children have had those thoughts many times, and only a few of them have been comfortable sharing them with me.
Aubrie, have you done all your transitions together with your siblings, or have you been separated? Do you all have a hard time with transitioning, or do the four of you settle in in different ways and at different levels of comfort. By the way, thank you so much for joining our discussion!!! :)
This was so interesting to read about Melissa. I have often thought about being a foster parent, as I have a home daycare and could take younger children. The one thing I can't imagine as a foster child is the emotional roller coaster that they must be on moving from place to place. No wonder they act out and feel like they have no one to count on! I am in awe of you Melissa, as you seem (from reading your discussion threads) to be an amazing woman! Thank you for being such a great advocate for these kids!! I only wish I had half of your strength.
Thank you for your kind words Kristina, I am in no way a saint. (I have had plenty of humbling moments) Luckily, being a foster parent is very rewarding. On the flip side I could never do daycare...I give you a lot credit for doing it - too many parental politics for me :)
Great work on the topic of foster care Melissa! The scenario at the beginning of the page illustrating how it feels to be a foster child captivates the attention of viewers. I thought the strategies for teachers were practical in the classroom setting. I enjoyed reading the comments from your authentic voice as well.
You don't have permission to comment on this page.
Comments (Show all 92)
Aubrie said
at 2:47 pm on Jul 24, 2011
no, i have gotten way behind, but its not all from the moving. when i was at home i had no motivation to do my work
matt lennon said
at 2:51 pm on Jul 24, 2011
do you have any idea what you want to do after high school or is it too far off to think about?
Aubrie said
at 2:57 pm on Jul 24, 2011
i want to go to collage to take chinese and classes to be a missionary in china, but only for like ten years. after that i want to do something in art or be a stay at home mom
carrie.jansen@live.bemidjistate.edu said
at 10:04 pm on Jul 25, 2011
Aubrie, I went to college for language (Spanish). Enjoyed some travel but sadly never worked out of the country. Now I am a stay at home mom and trying to become a Spanish Teacher. I love it, but sometimes wish I would have realized I wanted to have a career in my hometown in the beginning so I could have gotten my original degree in something I could use in my hometown (not many Spanish speakers in northern MN, nor much need for it). Just sharing my thoughts as thats the path I chose. You sound like a bright girl who can achieve whatever you want as long as you don't lose your motivation.
Aubrie said
at 9:59 pm on Jul 27, 2011
thnx :D
Aubrie said
at 2:48 pm on Jul 24, 2011
ummm , kinda cause i have a hard time making friends ! ):
Aubrie said
at 2:51 pm on Jul 24, 2011
i was in a good group of friends, but they didnt like me so i went to a bad group of friends
matt lennon said
at 3:13 pm on Jul 24, 2011
How come they didn't like you?
Aubrie said
at 3:21 pm on Jul 24, 2011
i really donnt know i think its caue im not what they thought i was but after that i tryed to be what they whated me to be .... and that made thing way worse cause now i cannt be my self withh out them saying imm fake .
matt lennon said
at 3:25 pm on Jul 24, 2011
This is the greatest cliche in the world, and you can send me an E-smack upside the head, but never be afraid to be who you really are. It took me until my early 20s before I could actually live by that idea. See if you can get there before me ;)
Aubrie said
at 3:38 pm on Jul 24, 2011
hahaha , people are already tryin to help me do that (:
Jeanne Sause said
at 10:51 pm on Jul 24, 2011
Have you ever asked them? I wonder if maybe your perception of what they think of you is not entirely accurate? I have found that to be the case many a time in my life. The only way to really know is to ask. What's there to lose, really?
carrie.jansen@live.bemidjistate.edu said
at 10:08 pm on Jul 25, 2011
Matt's post is cliche, but so true. I have always been the most happy when I just focus on being me and loving the good things about me- and letting go of the bad AND of what others think of me (even thought that is REALLY hard).
Jeanne Sause said
at 10:50 pm on Jul 24, 2011
What makes them a "bad" group of friends? Are they not friendly towards you...and maybe not actual friends then? Or are they not good influences? And my other question is, if you know this about them, why do you still choose to hang out with them?
Melissa said
at 7:02 am on Jul 28, 2011
What Amara is trying to say is that the kids who are considered "good" do not accept her because of all of her hardships. She feels like they judge her and they view her situation as "bad". Her friends who accept her all have a similar home life, so they do not care that she is in foster care.
matt lennon said
at 2:51 pm on Jul 24, 2011
how do you deal with the craziness of moving?
Aubrie said
at 2:55 pm on Jul 24, 2011
ummm i try to be my self and i try to keeep up with my school work but its hard when as you get older theres alot more work !
matt lennon said
at 3:14 pm on Jul 24, 2011
What do you do for stress relief? I know I moved a couple times and bottled up all the anger at my parents, and it came out in bad ways.
Aubrie said
at 3:23 pm on Jul 24, 2011
umm , well i have to go to theripy cause im depersed cause of things that happend in the passed so i juss talk to her bout it .... but it would be nice if i had more people i cann trust !
matt lennon said
at 3:28 pm on Jul 24, 2011
Trust is like a glass window that allows both people to see inside, but if broken, cuts both people and is so hard to put back together.
Aubrie said
at 3:32 pm on Jul 24, 2011
wooow ! thats verry true !
tomgilgenbach@gmail.com said
at 3:23 pm on Jul 24, 2011
Hi Aubrie, thanks so much for being here. You are brave to share your feelings with so many strangers. Are you taking Chinese right now?
Aubrie said
at 3:25 pm on Jul 24, 2011
im not, i want to but my school doesn't offer it
Jeanne Sause said
at 10:49 pm on Jul 24, 2011
Holy cow, the statistics are hard to handle. Only 1/3 will complete high school? Geez! That's intense. My question is, with the new advent of online schooling and the ability to graduate from online high schools, do you think this number will increase? I have known several people who have been placed in foster care and are trying to complete school online via MN Connections Academy, but it seems that the instability factor in their life crosses into their ability to remain focused on school for too long too.
Melissa said
at 9:47 am on Jul 25, 2011
I would caution any teenager when considering online schooling. As we know from our own experience, it takes self motivation and determination to be successful. If students are not motivated to attend public school, and complete assignments on their own, they are never going to be successful at online schooling. (my experience with over half of my SpEd students attempting online school at some point) Aubrie attempted online school and was not successful because she still lacked the support she needed from home. The other problem is in Minnesota you cannot be enrolled even part time in a public school if you are attending online school, and vice versa. So there is no way for a student to "catch up" by attending school both online and public. They sound like a great idea, but the students in my school mainly attempt online school to receive a "free" laptop, once they get it they spend a couple of months out of the school and then usually come back even further behind than when they left - but excited about their laptop!
Jeanne Sause said
at 5:51 pm on Jul 25, 2011
Oh sad! Do they still get to keep the laptop if they do not graduate? The school I taught in gave laptops to the 6-8th graders, but if you did not stay through 8th grade and graduate, you were not allowed to keep it. I didn't realize that was part of the online deal. At the same time though, I do have a good friend who teaches at a virtual school in Ohio and she just loves it! I have not asked her what kinds of backgrounds her students come from, but now I wonder. She teaches middle school math. Hmm...I think I'll need to give her a call!
Melissa said
at 6:58 am on Jul 28, 2011
Well, it is a program that is paid for by the federal government - not the school. They tell the students they have to give the laptop back, but no one ever does, and nothing is ever done about it. (my experience)
karie.hickman@... said
at 1:29 am on Jul 25, 2011
Aubrie, Who helps you to make sure you will finish school and with what you want to do after school? Do counselors at school give you information or help to keep moving along?
Aubrie said
at 10:02 pm on Jul 27, 2011
i never really had much help from school counselors, but now my social workers and Melissa (being a sub knowing all my teachers) helps me make sure i do my work.
Sarah W-Prill said
at 8:57 am on Jul 25, 2011
Hi Aubrie, Can you share some other things (besides funny and laid back) that make a great teacher? Thanks!
Aubrie said
at 10:04 pm on Jul 27, 2011
i know its probably really hard to keep track of every student, but i think it would have help if a teacher would have reached out to me to help when they saw i was having problems
Melissa said
at 12:07 pm on Jul 25, 2011
Sorry Jummy, I accidentally hit delete instead of reply.
Thanks Jummy! The statistics were what surprised me the most. I felt sickened by the reality that only 30% of foster children will graduate high school.
I am familiar with what I see, however my foster children are protected by ICWA ( http://www.nicwa.org/Indian_Child_Welfare_Act/) and their cases tend to drag on without an end in sight. Termination of Parental Rights is never really an option for Native American children, and they have to live in Native American homes.
Revisiting all of this information gives me the ability to be even MORE patient with the children in my home. Sometimes I can get caught up in the motions of parenting, and forget these children are survivors of situations that most people will never encounter in their lifetime. It's always good for me to have a little slap of reality every now and then. Writing the intro got to me because I know that all of my foster children have had those thoughts many times, and only a few of them have been comfortable sharing them with me.
Melissa said
at 2:00 pm on Jul 25, 2011
My authentic voice will be available 7/25 starting at 7pm.
carrie.jansen@live.bemidjistate.edu said
at 9:57 pm on Jul 25, 2011
Aubrie, have you done all your transitions together with your siblings, or have you been separated? Do you all have a hard time with transitioning, or do the four of you settle in in different ways and at different levels of comfort. By the way, thank you so much for joining our discussion!!! :)
Aubrie said
at 10:07 pm on Jul 27, 2011
we have all been moved together. i think the youngest have the hardest transition. i have been pretty good about it.
carrie.jansen@live.bemidjistate.edu said
at 10:12 pm on Jul 25, 2011
Good job, Melissa. Very interesting topic and Aubrie is a lovely and very informative authentic voice. Good choice!
Melissa said
at 3:08 pm on Jul 28, 2011
Thank you, Carrie. I am lucky to know her :)
Kristina Olson said
at 2:37 pm on Jul 27, 2011
This was so interesting to read about Melissa. I have often thought about being a foster parent, as I have a home daycare and could take younger children. The one thing I can't imagine as a foster child is the emotional roller coaster that they must be on moving from place to place. No wonder they act out and feel like they have no one to count on! I am in awe of you Melissa, as you seem (from reading your discussion threads) to be an amazing woman! Thank you for being such a great advocate for these kids!! I only wish I had half of your strength.
Melissa said
at 3:06 pm on Jul 28, 2011
Thank you for your kind words Kristina, I am in no way a saint. (I have had plenty of humbling moments) Luckily, being a foster parent is very rewarding. On the flip side I could never do daycare...I give you a lot credit for doing it - too many parental politics for me :)
corissa.hanna@... said
at 5:53 pm on Jul 28, 2011
Great work on the topic of foster care Melissa! The scenario at the beginning of the page illustrating how it feels to be a foster child captivates the attention of viewers. I thought the strategies for teachers were practical in the classroom setting. I enjoyed reading the comments from your authentic voice as well.
You don't have permission to comment on this page.